No, You Were NOT Happier WAY BACK THEN — Wanna Know Why?
We oftentimes get stuck thinking that everything was so much better and easier back in the day. But it’s actually just a mind trick. Really. Let me explain.
Hi, I’m Rick Higgins and today I’m going to tell you why your past wasn’t all that great. Or maybe it was. But you might not be able to trust your memory to tell you the difference.
It’s something called rosy retrospection. It happens because when we think about our days past, we’re more likely to think about people, places, and activities in the abstract. And when we think about things in the abstract, we’re far more likely to focus on the positive parts, rather than the unpleasant and sometimes ugly ones.
Here’s an example, especially after covid. Think of your last vacation. Remember the highlights? What was it, a beach? Remember the warm water and the waves? The sunburn? The laughter during the night of pina coladas?
Now, do you remember the traffic getting there? The actual pain of that sunburn? Or the hangover? Probably not, or at least not as much.
This is a good thing, by the way. If our brains didn’t work like this, we would be far less likely to go on that same vacation next year. Or anything similar. In fact, people who tend to remember negative experiences more than positive ones are likely to exhibit disorders such as depression.
And this can lead to some really bad decision-making. For instance, it’s one of the reasons why we relive bad relationships. The longer it’s been since we’ve been in an abusive relationship, the more likely we are to let the good memories outweigh the bad ones. And so we dive in anew with completely unrealistic expectations.
So, knowing this, a question. Is your happiest time in your future, or in your past?
Now I’ve talked about this before, but let’s have a quick recap. When you take emotions out of it and look at our lives through a magnifying glass, we’re living in a U. In our 20s and even 30s, we’re pretty happy. Mostly and generally speaking.
In our late 30s and 40s, that graph slides way down. Right to the bottom. Careers, kids, mortgages, divorces … there’s a lot going on in the middle of our lives that ain’t so wonderful.
But here’s the thing, research has shown that around the cusp of 40 and 50, that graph starts to rise, and quickly. As high or higher than the beginning. Our responsibilities have either lessened, or we’re now pretty good at dealing with them. We’ve at the top of that U again, and rising.
Now again, this is generally speaking. Taking all of us as a whole. Personal health issues, or economic conditions, can skew the graph for an individual. (Which is great reason to watch my videos on how to reinforce your life, just sayin’). But overall, as a “Second Halfer”, there are some pretty great days ahead of you.
Now that U can imply that it’s now a contest. What’s better, your 20s or your 50s/60s? Well … apples and oranges. The things that were important in your early adult years are most probably not even worth considering now. Which is cool, you’re different now, with new thoughts and ideas on life.
So … happiness. Yep, you probably had some really great moments back in the day. Even in the doldrums of your 30s/40s. But are all of your happy times in the past? Not even close. A lot of it is up to you, of course. You can choose to continue rocking that mullet, smearing on the blue eyeshadow, and retelling your high school stories until time eternal.
Or you can accept the fact that your U is rising, and there are some pretty great moments in your now, and in your tomorrow. Maybe even your best ones.
